Review Mirror

While working on a sermon the other day, I stumbled across some of my old writing in my computer. This was written only last august, but it seems like forever ago... I guess while I was reading it I just realized so much about where I have come from, and why I dream so big, and how faithful God is towards what I dream and pray for. Some really key people have spoken so much life into me about dreaming the impossible and pushing me towards the things I am passionate about. I owe them some huge "thank you's" for believing in me and speaking so much life into me. God has really blessed me over the last year, in so many unique and twisted ways. But I am humbly reminded that my ways are not His, and He will always work for my good...

I encourage us all to dream the impossible. It's never too late, and your idea of "good" is probably very different from God's idea of good for you. There will always be more to press on towards... So don't settle for anything less.

The more and more I think on it, the more and more I realize how much other people hold back our own potential. We let other people’s opinions, words, actions, and reservations, dictate our dreams. Without even realizing it… we quickly cap each others ‘impossible’ dreams, with our limited vision. But it’s the impossible dream Jesus wants. The one’s where He gets to show off and be the hero of your life. And I think we all have dreamed like this before… but somewhere down the road, we stop. Over the last few weeks, I have been stuck on this thought of living and dreaming and all these ideas of the year ahead. Jesus has planted some pretty large dreams in me, ones that I see no end to, and hardly even a beginning. But someone once told me to dream the impossible, and I have remembered it every shifting moment of my life since…

 I am about to have my first apartment. Its moments like this that I realize where I have come from and how much I have grown. This isn’t some college town. This isn’t planned for me, or handed to me. This is real life. I look in the mirror sometimes and see myself in a light I never have before. I’m a good person.

We all are… even when we aren’t. There’s just this seed of good that was planted in us from the beginning of time. It’s just our choice to water it and take care of it and learn about it. and share it.

I think about sitting in Jeanne Mayo’s living room and looking around at the people I will be doing life with for the next year. How honored I am, to be in the midst of some of the greatest leaders, friends and hero’s in the world. God really got a hold of me in that regard today. It hit me like that moment when you’re driving in your favorite part of the day, and the perfect song is playing, and no matter how your day is thus far, no matter what comes next, everything is just, perfect. 

I often find myself just wanting to look into the eyes of so many people, people that don’t even know me, people I even hardly know, and I just want to tell them they can do it! To dream the impossible! That Jesus is all that matters and everything is going to be okay! I want to use what Jesus has put in me to teach how to love the ones that seem impossible to love. I want to stand in the gap for people who don’t think anyone believes in them, or that just  need authentic encouragement, or that need someone to listen to their heart not just the words they are saying. I want to lead leaders. I want to believe in leaders. I want to encourage, inspire, and train the leaders of today and of tomorrow. I know in so many ways it sounds so cheesy and unfinished and just whatever. .. I know.

And I am only 20. What can I really do?

Sometimes I wonder why I can believe in others so much, and why I neglect to believe in myself enough to break good ‘ideas’ and ‘dreams’ into the reality I am living right now. 

Written August 11, 2011

Suitcase.

I keep trying to find all the right words to write this the way I want to... But I can't seem to get the swing of it yet. Writing used to come so naturally to me... I don't even remember why I stopped. But, I think it's time I start again. Just bear with me on this one...

A little re-cap:
After completing my Second year at Masters, I had plans of packing my things and moving to Maine for the summer with Christopher and Kory. I would live with a good friend of mine, Faith, and together we would help build, re-build, breath life into, inspire, and equip the people of Zone Church. None of us really knew what that would exactly mean... we just knew God wanted us there. So we went.
Day 1: Sunday.
I can't really say I remember what Pastor Al (Faith's Dad, and ZoneChurch Pastor) preached on, but I specifically remember every hand I shook and every person that walked into that school cafeteria, searching for something without even knowing what they were searching for. I was looking into the closed eyes of some of the greatest potential I have ever dared to stare back at.

About a week had gone by, and we started getting in the swing of things. Dreaming was something we did constantly, and taking small intentional steps forward inspired us to dream bigger. It was almost instantaneous that I fell in love with the ZoneChurch body and the passion that drove them. Whether they knew what they had in them or not, it was my personal mission to encourage, inspire, and believe in that passion to pull it out, team it up with Jesus' vision of the church, and let that be the driving force for the summer. From 6am Sunday set up, yard sales, worship practice, and general fellowship... these people quickly became a family I couldn't replace.
Engage (youth ministry, Kory's primary position) was the next step. It was easy to be a normal church goer, leader, and friend. But rebuilding and in many ways starting from scratch a youth ministry, that was a whole other thing. But with some dreaming, a little inspiration, and our blood, sweat, and personal skills... We were on a mission to transform the garage into the new youth location.
Now, in the middle of all this, Christopher and myself had been looking for jobs to support us back to Masters in the fall. Payment and deposit dates growing closer, I had to make the hard decision to go where the work was. Probably one of the harder decisions to make you know? I was stuck between standing in faith and staying in Maine, where I wanted; and having great faith and wisdom to go against what I wanted, to do what I know I needed to do. Using advice and wisdom from some trusted friends and leaders, I started making phone calls to some key people... and came to this conclusion: I would pack a carry on suitcase, fly standby to Colorado, surprise my parents, spend 2 weeks in CO working at Dairy Queen, hook up with a friend from Masters who was vacationing in CO that same time (ironically her name is Faith as well), then ride back with her family to Pennsylvania to work at Do It Best hardware store for the duration of the summer. Why didn't I just stay in Colorado and work for Dairy Queen? 1. It was a blessing to work there for the 2 weeks I did. It was only temporary... I worked at DQ for 5 years prior, and Jamie had employees out of town... It was just a kiss from Jesus really. 2. I would make much better money, and have much more consistent hours in PA. 3. Living with Faith, has been one of the best things. Faith and her family have been such a huge blessing and it's been really good for me in more ways than I could even know at this point.

Colorado was probably the greatest blessing... I hadn't been home since Christmas, and there was just a lot to face, clean up, and take care of. Both personal and relational. So to see my family who I have been relentlessly praying for, and for so long, was just a really big deal. They have come so far, and my ability to take what Jesus has given me in order to relate, respond, and revive them, has grown so much in the past 6 months. The burden of my grandparents rapid decline in their health is becoming to much for my parents alone to handle. With the help of my aunt and uncle from Washington, Jesus stood between the mental gaps in my grandfathers brain, and he spoke clearly and with full understanding, that moving to Ellensburg WA, was the best option for their remaining time. They'll be taken care of properly there, and everyone will be able to breathe again. At least for a little while...
Beyond family, my friends were a huge deal. Staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning to talk to friends about Jesus, was not what I had expected. But friends that didn't even know the story of Jesus, what it means to be forgiven, or what the love of Christ is, were now keeping me up all hours of the night just to know more about Him. It was beautiful. I experienced a new church out in Lone Tree and fell in love with it. Jubilee Fellowship. My friend Hosanna (also from MCATL) invited me. Being around friends from MC is so life breathing over the summer... so thankful for the friendships I've made over the years. Worship nights, late nights, DQ, broken heart moments, homework, family, friends, lots of healing, and Jesus. Then it was time to go. Packed my suitcase, and hit the road.

So here I have been for the past 2.5 weeks. New Brighton, Pennsylvania. Working at Do It Best hardware, and living out of a carry on suitcase, with one of my best friends and taking a hit at life from a whole new perspective.

I'm sorry this post is so jumpy... still trying to break the block in my thoughts and figure out how I want this whole thing to be structured. But I'll never figure it out if I don't just give it a shot right?  We'll just see what happens next. Pictures soon.

Tonight: Paying for my ZoneChurch family, the entire Robbins family (including Christopher, Josh, Spencer, and Kory) both on a corporate and personal level, and Engage Student Ministries. I believe in you all more than I can put into words. Thank you for being irreplaceable friends and family to me, and supporting me no matter where I go. Praying for you and believing in you every step of the way. Hope to see you soon.

-Allison

Suitcase.

"...It’s like God breaths out of these ocean walls.

I think it’s beautiful, and I’m hoping to catch some of the breeze while I’m here..."

 I know I'll never be the same again after this... "

 ...Coming Soon.